Well, happy new year. >:)
Today was rather a simple day. i started recounting so many stuffs and the many happenings in my life in 2011. in the yaer of 2011, I learn so many things that i can hardly pen them down. i learnt how to live a credible life( though i am not a master of it as yet). i learnt to be a man of my own words. i learnt the importance of relying on God and having just that simple god-and-me relationship.
no doubt, at certain point of my life, i deterred myself from God’s amazing plan for me. i regretted and blamed myself but then again, i learnt how unconditional god’s grace is. despite the thousand and one boohoo moments i’ve made, He never fails to give me a brand new day and encourage me through one way or another.
my 2 years JC life was not that easy neither is it difficult personally. but one thing i thank god for is to allow me to gradually witness the real world. i am of course still a noob compare to some of my friends about how the real world really is. but i thank god for blessing me with friends who i can truly trust as they guide me through this mini adventure, i will say.
Today, when i was taking the lift back home, it suddenly dawn upon me that what if the lift were to not stop at my level and continue going up, to a place where it’s totally unfamiliar to me. ya see, life is just filled so many uncertainties and all we can do is simply, trust that the lift will bring me back home. this year 2012, i must learn to be less sceptical and give people some trust and doubt less. i want to have faith that things will turn up well.
i want to lead a life that is meaningful with God in the centre of all the friendships. i want to learn to be more serving and stop thinking of me and myself. i want to learn to serve the world out there.
i just simply want to be the light, that shine forth God’s glory. no insecurities, no uncertainties, no regrets.
though i am running a different pathway from some of my good pals, but i believe that one day, we will approach the same finishing line. :)
its christmas, yet again.
This year, is definitely a year of testing. I celebrated my Christmas eve silently at my cousin’s house. but honestly, i do appreciate the company we had. it’s the first time when i really get to talk to them as in there’s no tomorrow. LOL
But i could remember vividly how i spent my past few years Christmas eve going around Serangoon and carol. it is perhaps one of the most memorable memory i have that will leave a footprint at the back of my mind. i thank god for such memory that is definitely unforgettable.
as this year comes to an end, a tinge of sadness and anxiety yet excitement get over me. for the upcoming year, i will embark to another chapter of my life journey. everything will again, be so surreal and uncertain. yet, i have to gather all the courage and tell myself that by hook or crook, i have to embrace myself to this next stage of my life adventure..
amidst all these uncertainties, i know there’s someone there who will bring me through. there’s someone there who will silently bring me through like how He lead me through my entire youth. for one, i am proud of is, i spent my youth fruitfully serving God.
really, what matter most is, how God use ordinary people to do extraordinary stuffs. the same God who bring me through my youth will also be the same God that will bring me through my next stage of life.
so, i shall thank god in advance. shall spend this christmas season thanking God for his faithfulness in my life. >:)
Finally, i am left with three papers before i can officially announce that i have conquer A level. This period of time is definitely a period of mental challenge rather than intellectual. Sometimes, i wonder why God allow me to fall sick during such period of time when healthy body plays a huge factor. But you knw, i kind of figured out the reason why.
Perhaps, by falling sick, i will give myself some rest and not strain my physical body. But, i honestly want to thank God for every paper that i went through. many will say that all those ‘guesses’ are pure coincidence. but hey, i truly bet to differ. I believe that coincidence is God’s way in remaining anonymous. i want to thank God for making himself so true during this period, especially when I am physically drained because of the bad flu.
okay well, I am left with 3 papers! sometimes i wonder, will things turn up to be the expected outcome.? No matter how much preparation one makes, i still believe that there are instances when hiccups happen and things may turn up to be otherwise. that’s perhaps why i never expect good things to happen and if it really does, its perhaps just a bonus.
but you know what, no matter how many hiccups i may face in the days to come, i want to have the habit to evaluate every single mistake i make. i want to simply.. make this long vocation a worthwhile one.
i want to go out and see the world. i want to.. serve the world up there.
time flies, and it really does. i could remember vividly how two years back, around this period of my life, i was typing how reluctant i was to graduate from high school life. but guess what, i officially graduated from my jc life today.
it makes me feel excited but at the same time fearful. it makes me realize that i am one step nearer to stepping into the society. it makes me wonder yet again, the meaning of life. what it really means to live a life, knowing why you are doing what you are doing.
Perhaps, jc life is the period when i start to grow and learn to be independent. definitely, i will miss those stupid and retarded moments in life when we will never fail to laugh at the almost all our teacher’s jokes. one thing for sure, i am really thankful to have such good teachers in my yjc life.
okay, i shall leave all those clinches ‘speech’ after A level.
Well, today i posed myself one question- what is the feature that differentiates childlike-ness from stubbornness?
Jesus said that its only if and only if we have a childlike heart, we cannot enter the Kingdom of heaven. yet, this is still a difference between childlike and stubborn.
Perhaps, what differentiates them is the heart condition. stubborn is when one just want to get his/her through without bothering what other thinks. on the other hand, childlike is when you do certain things simply because you are doing without much ulterior motives lying behind.
but i want to learn to be more firm, more firm to what i am standing for. i want to comprehend what it really means to serve the world. not just mere words, but with actions and heart.
its not a one day event. it’s a lifestyle because Jesus was sent to serve us. He exemplify and set a standard for us.
so now, what’s your heart condition?
Well, before i drown myself into Econs, i shall post something.
Went out with one of my closest friend today and as i recount back, i really thank God for this friendship we forged ever since the first day of our secondary life. We literally went through thick and thin together as i recount back those good and bad time we had.
i could remember how back then, the childish and immature us, can simply fight over the simplest thing ever. How you will never fail to help me to tie knot during Physics spa because i can never set up the equipment right within the time limit. there were even few instances when i actually took the entire period to set up and barely have enough time to carry out my experiment. that time was, pure cui-ness.
I can remember how you never fail to nag at me to ask me entertain you during lesson when i was in my sweet dream. I can remember how we do silly stuffs together to peep at ______ things together and giving each other the stupid face. i can remember how we ‘compete’ to complete maths question together within the time limit. i can remember how you always scold me for sleeping too much in class. i can remember how you ‘outreach’ together with me in the canteen because i tell you i need/want to.
i can definitely remember you once told me that i will abandon you once we graduate. and i remember vividly i give you that stupid face and say ‘nah’.
Time flies. It’s been two years ever since we graduate. But i really thank God for this friendship that is going strong. perhaps it’s because the thick and thin experiences we went through, you’re the few people that i can truly trust.
i thank God for you, Jessamine! :D
lalalalalala.
Well, tonight, i actually spent sometime watching this channel 8 drama which everyone commented that it’s super nice and such. but that drama sets my thinking so many think.
i wonder to myself, if this world is really that corrupted? Given a chance, i really want to go and see and witness such happening using my own eyes. it makes me wonder if fighting is always the solution to all problems and such.
sometimes in life, there are so many things that seem so dramatic. since young, i was told that whatever things happened on television will not happen in real life. but now, i wonder if this statement is really that valid.
life is just so complicated. Or perhaps, the world itself is so complicated. but i still believe that deep down inside the heart of a soul, there’s still a tinge of kindness and compassion.
the world, is not that bad after all. all we need to do, is just to fill that God shape hole.
finally, I am able to sit infront of the computer without having much worry about what i need to do next. life is getting so tough and tiring. honestly, it drains me up so much that at times, the idea of giving seems so tempting. again, i know it will be a super dumb thing to just give up at this very moment.
honestly, i really discovered so many things about myself during this period of time. so many things happened and i need to learn many things, but step by step. many a times, whenever i look back to things, i just have this very tinge of regret deep in my heart.
at times, i ask God, why is my life fill with regrets.? why there isn’t a decision i made that doesn’t make me look back.
just recently, i’ve got this friend who asked me ’ you go church, not tiring meh?’
honestly, this question really did strike me straight in my face. until now, i am confident to say that i go church, it is tiring. but i know my God never fails to provide me with strength when im drained. my God never fails to surprise me with miracles at the very last moment.
but till then, i shall learn to be someone who is grateful
just ended hope conference and there’s too many thoughts running through my mind. i could remember vividly how much i struggle to get out of house on Saturday morning. part of me is so worry about the upcoming prelims. it makes me feel so uncertain and lost. but i chose to pack my stuff and went down to Stadium.
perhaps God always use such method to test my level of trust and faith in Him. God never fails to speak to me during those time when i try running away. He is always there to reveal His love and assurance.
If you were to ask me who’s the best story writer on earth, i’ll definitely proudly say that it is God. God use such moment to remind me the importance of having a burden for people.
Honestly speaking, Singapore’s education system is filled with thousand and one flaws. pardon me, but i really do think Singapore’s education system makes me feel like a robot when i never to be a slave of my textbooks.
God reminded me through the conference that fundamentally, it’s still God who truly matters. results may bring me somewhere. but i am sure that somewhere isn’t the place where i want to stay for eternity.
after this conference, i am really quite sure that what i want to be in the future. i want to transform life through the small little things God tasked me to do. i neither need to earn millions of dollars nor aspire to live in big flats. i just want to lead ordinary life with extraordinary mission.
i saw how God uses me to transform life and that’s something that really leave a footprint in my life. i just touches me as i reflect back and see how God use such a cui person like me to help others.
okay, i may sound like another mother Theresa( though i know im far from her standard) but then again, i aspire to study hard and in the future, i can use the path of education and go some countries to help the less privilege.
i want to be blessed to be a blessing.
dear God, break my heart for what breaks Yours. ultimately, it’s You i worship and surrender.
Well, let me blog down some of my thoughts before i hit the bed. life isn’t as smooth sailing as how i once thought. so many things are piling up and time seems to such a finite resource. just when i thought it’s time to accelerate my pace of life( i mean literally! fyi, i actually walk faster than usual!), i was reminded the need to slow down my pace of life and do some self evaluation. yes, what’s a contradiction.
i will definitely be lying if i were to say that i am doing perfectly well in all aspects of my life. sometimes, things can get so mundane and draining. i just feel that i am a slave to that pile of revision packages. or to put it more explicit, i am a slave to the singapore’s education system.
tired is definitely the perfect word to describe what i am constantly feeling.and seriously, i abhor such emotions.
perhaps i need to learn to live with it. i need to learn to adapt to the changes in my life. as cliche as if may sound, i still do believe that change is the only constant in life.
but you know what… i am always glad to have God standing by my side to fight this race with me. i may not feel it tangibly. however, times and again, i will be reminded of God’s promises.
everything will be alright…
Well, shall take some time to blog down my learning after reading ’ God is closer than you think’ by John Ortberg.
After reading the book, i find myself quite guilty of treating God for granted. God is always so evident in my life during good times when life is a bed of roses. If time permits, i will really wish to go somewhere closer to the nature. where i can set apart some time to enjoy the beauty of nature. more often than not, i’ve been neglecting God’s creation. When was the last time i actually sit back and count my blessings?
I could remember vividly that when i first converted, the idea of God is so awesome. i’m always finding ways to know God more. I’m always finding ways to search God more. However, as time goes by, all these habits are not as explicit. Perhaps this is human nature and how people reacts with things and happenings around us.
Sometime God’s voice can be so soft.. so soft till i can hardly feel Him. but because our life is too distracted, the only way God use to catch our attention, is perhaps through speaking in soft whisper.
shall take time to slow down my life and listen to God’s soft whisper.
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